Again I go unnoticed
by Jessica12
Summary: L/L Set during "Those-lazy-hazy-crazy-days" - Luke's reaction to the scene in the diner...Oh..just read it...I*m back HEY ALL HHHEEEE I have had problems with fanfiction.net. I couldn't upload for a while and I was ready to kill my computer..anyway..READ


Title: **Again I Go Unnoticed**

Author: Jessica

Email: jrothenyahoo.se 

Distribution: Wherever...just let me know where 

Spoilers: Those Lazy-Hazy-Crazy Days 

Rating: PG

Feedback: YES please....jrothenyahoo.se

Pairing: Lorelai/Luke

Disclaimer:I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THESE CHARACTERS. 

Summary: Luke's reaction to the scene in the diner and the

day after...Oh,...shit..Just read it!:)

AUTHORS NOTE: Title is from a song by Dashboard Confessional.

English is not my first language so spelling/ grammar

mistakes may occur.

* * *

"**_If I had some influence girl_**

**_With the powers that be_**

**_I'd have them fire that arrow at you_**

**_Like they fired it right at me_**

**_And maybe when your heart and soul are burning_**

**_You might see _**

**_That everytime I'm talking with you_**

**_It's always over too soon_**

**_That everyday feels so incomplete_**"

(From "Be Mine" by David Gray 'A new day at midnight'

* * *

Again I go unnoticed (1/1)

by: Jessica

* * *

When do you know that it's time to surrender?

When do you give up?

When do you know that it's no use?

When do you tell your heart to stop longing?

I wish I knew the answers to that.

I'm standing here in the middle of this room.

My home.

The diner.

Luke's diner.

It's my all.

All that I have in my life.

A building.

A diner.

I have nothing else.

I live for this.

I live for the people that walk through that door.

I live for her.

Lorelai.

She came to me last night.

She came to me to make peace in a way that

only she can.

I wanted to push her away.

I wanted to make her leave.

My heart kept remembering another night like this one.

When she broke my heart.

It was amazing how easily she could break my heart.

But most of all that I let her.

I wanted to push her away.

Something inside screamed that I was better off.

But I couldn't.

A part of me felt so alive as she walked through 

my door.

I had been waiting to long.

For her.

I had tried to be strong.

Ignoring that voice that screamed in my head.

The longing that ate at my heart.

As she walked through my door that night something

inside of me came alive.

Something that I had kept buried for so long.

She came with a heavy heart.

She came with eyes blurry with tears.

"I know. Look, I didn't come here to make up, or to try to 

get you to forgive me, or talk. I wouldn't even have come here at 

all but I had a really crappy night and I really, really need a cup 

of coffee...."

She looked tired.

Like she was carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders.

_I have missed her._

That thought came creeping in as I looked at her.

She walked over to the end of the counter and poured herself

a cup of coffee.

I couldn't help but notice that her hands were shaking a bite as 

she poured.

Then she sat down.

I tried to shut her out of my mind.

Just ignore her.

I tried to remember all the things she said to me that night.

But that sentence kept chasing me around.

_I have missed her. _

"This is the second time I let myself do this"

Her voice was a bite rugged as she spoke.

"Do what?"

"Think I have finally found it."

"Found what?"

But I already knew her answer.

I could see it in her eyes.

I had seen it before.

I knew it by heart now.

Despair.

Pain.

Sorrow.

"Love, comfort, safety.."

"Ah."

She lifted her head just a little and I could see it.

Tears.

The pain struck me and struck me hard.

"I mean, first with Max, which of course, I screwed up, and 

then with Christopher, which of course, all the elements of the 

universe got together to screw up."

"Yup, it's tough when the universe is against you. That's like 

taking on the Manhattan garbage union."

I tried to joke but my words seemed so pointless.

I didn't want to think about her tears.

I didn't want to actually feel.

Then I might fall.

And that would be the end of me.

But maybe, just maybe, I had already fallen.

I stood there behind my counter, with a screaming

heart as she continued on.

About Christopher.

I saw the pain.

I could hear it in her voice.

The pain of losing once again.

The pain of a broken heart.

Anger filled me.

It surprises me.

Anger towards him.

For breaking her heart.

For causing her this pain.

I tried to ignore it.

I tried to push it aside.

I tried to focus at the task at hand.

Cleaning.

Finishing up for the night.

".....And I am in exactly the same place that I was in before."

Her words found their way inside and touched the center of me.

I wanted to go over to her and wrap my arms around her.

The need to hold her came suddenly.

But I wasn't allowed.

I'm never allowed.

So I just stood there behind my counter.

Trying not to actually feel.

But I failed.

God, how I failed.

"Is that so bad? I mean, you got Rory."

"Yes, I do."

_GO OVER TO HER!_

My hands screamed to touch her.

I wanted to erase the pain in her eyes.

But I knew that I wasn't the one she wanted.

Why can't I accept that?

It would be so easy if I just could surrender and

accept the fact that I can't have her.

I stood there starring out the window as I continued. 

"You got friends, you got a house, a job, apparently an iron 

stomach."

"No, it's not so bad. I'm lucky, I know. I just. . .I feel 

like I'm never gonna have it. . .the whole package, you know? That 

person, that couple life, and I swear, I hate admitting it because I 

fancy myself Wonder Woman, but. . .I really want it, the whole 

package." 

Tears again.

They were glowing in the light.

Something inside of me trembled as I noticed.

I wanted her to have all of that.

Everything she wanted so badly.

She deserved nothing else.

I wanted to erase the sorrow in her eyes.

I wanted to go to her and drown in her.

But I just stood there as all my walls came

crashing down.

I reached for a donut.

Her favorite.

I slid one over to her and said:

"You'll get it"

And I prayed for that.

I prayed she would see.

Me.

--------------------

She is sitting by her usual table.

Talking to Rory.

Drinking her coffee. 

The events of last night seems gone from her eyes.

She is smiling again.

But I can see the truth now.

It never reaches her eyes.

I want to go to her.

To be with her.

To let her fall.

To catch her when she falls.

But I remain my calm self.

I move around her.

Silently at first.

Watching from afar.

Taking everything in.

The way she was dressed.

Her hair.

Her smile.

The light in her eyes.

I return to my usual place behind the counter.

I try to keep my mind at work.

I try to ignore her.

But she is everywhere.

In the air.

All around.

They laugh and talk.

They don't see me.

I move around the diner.

Serving my customers.

As I walk around this room.

This diner.

Something strikes me.

And I know.

And I fall.

I finally fall.

I surrender.

No point in fighting a feeling.

No point fighting the truth.

The truth is that

she is inside of me now.

All around me.

Her voice is inside of my head.

I want to drown in that voice.

I have accepted.

It took a night of pain and suffering to

make me see that I have lost.

I've laid down my weapons.

No point in fighting.

I've already fallen.

I look at her now, across the room.

_Blind_.

_Blind_.

She doesn't see me.

She doesn't notice me.

And a cry escapes from my heart.

A muffled cry.

_LOVE ME! PLEASE,GOD LOVE ME!!_

But she doesn't see.

She doesn't hear.

Unnoticed.

As I always have been.

And I die.

A painful death.

I return to the life I cling to.

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